Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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