do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
