hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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