He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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