my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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