Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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