no, he came in my armpit
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
