What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
