I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
