did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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