Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
