I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
