thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize