so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
