Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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