Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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