Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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