Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A+ Viking dick
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
