Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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