I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
