Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
