I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
