you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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