Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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