An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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