she woke up with a sticky ear
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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