I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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