By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
