38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
