Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How naked do you want me to be?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
