dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
