my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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