i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
