im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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