I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
