I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
