I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
