He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My cat gives me a boner
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
