You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
