so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
