Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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