Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
