i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize