it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
