So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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