Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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