i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
