I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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