Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize