You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A+ Viking dick
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
