the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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