I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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