That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize