C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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