Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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