Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
