I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
