Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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