lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
