She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
