An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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