That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
