Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize