its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
