accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We need to get me chipped asap
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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