Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
