So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
