Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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