im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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