You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
