I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
