I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
