think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
