She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
