Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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