I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize