let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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