my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize