this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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