You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
