You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
