Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
