Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
