just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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