He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
