Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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