she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
