oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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