She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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