I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
