Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
