bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
jump out the window naked night went bad
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