I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
