i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
