Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize