I don't think brook has ever known best
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
