also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
