I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
