clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
