Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
