your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
