My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
