its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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