I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
