there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
being pregnant is like rehab
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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