u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
