two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
